佚名/Anonymous
Let go of bitterness marriage isn't the only relationship that needs forgiveness. It's required with our children, friends, workmates, neighbors and even strangers. In fact, no human relationship can survive without the oxygen of forgiveness. It's not an optional nicety for people who are into that kind of thing;it’s a universal necessity for relationships and for your own health and sanity.
Some of us may think that we've been hurt too deeply, or too often, to forgive. But ironically, it's those of us who’ve been most hurt that really need to forgive, for one simple reason:like cancer, bitterness can destroy its host. Unless it's swiftly rooted out, it takes hold and grows, crippling and eventually even killing those who insist on clinging determinedly to it.
For the truth is that unless we can forgive, we can never recover. Our wounds will continue to fester and never heal. As the ancient Chinese proverb puts it,“Whoever seeks revenge should dig two graves.”
Taking the first step for some people forgiveness feels impossible because they have no idea how to go about it. The first and most important thing you need to accept is that the act of forgiveness is not going to easy. In fact, it will probably be the hardest thing most of us ever have to do.
It seems totally unfair that we should have to forgive when we're the ones who have been hurt. And that’s the crux of forgiveness.
The saying“Forgive and forget”may roll off the tongue, but it's as shallow as it is short. For one thing, it's downright impossible. For another, it misses the whole point of forgiveness. The things we most need forgive in life are the things we can’t forget. Rather than sweeping them under the carpet, we need to draw a line under them, deliberately choosing not to count them against the person who did them, and moving on.
That's why, sometimes, the initial act of forgiveness may seem relatively easy, but dealing with the emotions that follow every time you see that person, or speak to them or just think about them, can be harder to deal with. True forgiveness is not a one-off act;it’s a constant emotional confrontation.
And the longer you wait to forgive someone, the harder it becomes. Time really doesn't heal, it just gives the bitterness and resentment longer to eat away at you from inside. If you wait for the“right time”you may never do it.
A question you should ask yourself before you begin to tackle the art of forgiveness is this:How many of us are ever completely innocent in any given situation?
Some years ago, my wife, Cornelia, and I bought a piece of cheap, flat-packed, pine veneered furniture. For the first few months, it fooled everyone it was smart, functional and impressive, and we felt it fitted our home perfectly. But as time rolled by, the veneer slowly began to peel at the edges. It didn't create the same impression any more, but at least it was being honest!The fact is that, like it or not, behind our smart veneer, we're all just chipboard. So before we become other people's judge and jury, we'd be wise to take a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror. And the more we see ourselves, warts and all, the more we'll want to and be able to forgive others for their flaws, and the more we forgive, the more we’ll know true contentment.
Would you rather be right or happy?Forgiving others can get a satisfying reaction. So if you think you're right and can't find it in yourself to forgive, ask yourself this question:Would you rather be right or happy?
One of the hardest things about forgiveness is making that first move especially when you haven't spoken to the person who hurt you for a while. But remember they'll probably be happy to hear from you. They might even be impressed that you've done what they've wanted to do for years. But keep in mind you're doing this for you just as much as them, so don’t be upset if they don't react as you hoped.
Of course, some people don't believe they've done anything wrong, or don't care, so telling them you forgive them would only frustrate them and you. But that doesn't mean you can't find forgiveness in your heart. In fact, that's what true forgiveness is letting go of your anger and hurt, becoming at peace with what happened and moving on.
The more you nurture your resentment, the more unhappy you’ll become. Unless you learn to develop the“lost art”of forgiving, you'll always remain a victim, not just of people who've done you wrong, but also of your own emotions.
Forgiving puts you in control. However tough it is, the alternative is far worse. The phrase“Forgive us our sins, though we refuse to forgive those who sin against us.”doesn't exist in the Bible. And there's a reason for that.
宽恕不仅在婚姻中需要，在与子女、朋友、同事、邻居，甚至陌生人的相处中也同样需要。事实上，缺少宽恕，人际关系就无法持续。宽恕他人不是可有可无的善举，而是维系良性人际关系、促进身心健康的必要因素。
有些人认为，自己屡屡受创，对伤害自己的人很难宽恕。然而，正是这些受伤至深的人，更急需宽恕。这看起来似乎有些矛盾，其实很简单，就像癌症能夺去人的生命一样，仇恨也会给人以致命的打击。如果不尽快根除，它就会滋生蔓延，最终使那些执迷于仇恨的人命丧黄泉。
如果我们不原谅，我们就不会康复。心中的伤口就会逐渐溃烂，无法愈合。中国有句谚语说得好，“复仇者终会自掘坟墓”。
对于有些人来说，因为不知如何原谅他人，迈出第一步似乎十分困难。那么，首要的任务是必须承认宽恕之举并非易事。事实上，对于大多数人来说，这是极为艰难的事。
受了伤，还要原谅他人，这似乎很不公平。但这是施以宽恕的关键所在。
人们可能会随口说“我原谅你，就让它过去吧”，但说着容易做起来难。一方面，这显然是不可能的。另一方面，这不是真正意义上的谅解。生活中，久久不能释怀的就是最需谅解的事。人们不应该回避，而要牢记，并有意识地不把错误归咎于当事人，然后继续自己的生活。
因而，宽恕之举最初看似简单，后来却甚为艰难。无论在相见、攀谈或是回忆中，都需要压抑情绪。真正的宽恕是持续的情绪斗争，而不是一次性的举动。
时间越长，就越难以原谅别人。其实，时间并不能抚平伤痛，只会增加仇恨，使你愤懑满怀。如果伺机报复，就永远无法宽恕他人。
在宽恕他人之前，我们首先要扪心自问：有多少人没有受过伤害呢？
数年前，我和妻子科妮莉亚买了一套价格实惠的家具，扁平型、松木镶面的。起初的几个月里，我们都觉得它美观、实用，又招人喜欢，认为它是最合适的家居用品。日子久了，边脚地方松木镶面的皮开始脱落，不再美观了，但还能用。事实上，不管我们喜欢与否，那漂亮的镶面下只是刨花板。因此，在对他人作出评判前，首先应在镜子里审视一下自己，发觉自身的缺陷，就能原谅别人的过错，也就能体会施以宽恕所带来的满足感。
选择真理还是快乐？宽恕他人能获得意外惊喜。坚信自己是对的，如此一来，就难有宽恕之心。试着扪心自问吧：选择真理还是快乐？
施以宽恕，第一步恐怕是最难的——特别是许久不再和伤害者讲话。千万别忘了，他们或许很希望与你交谈，甚至会深受感动，这些或许是他们想做而未做的事。切记：这样做既利己又利人。即使他们没有表现出你预期的反应，也不要过于懊丧。
当然，有些人并没有意识到自己所犯之错，对这些事也没有放在心上。假如告诉他们你宽恕了他，那只会让双方备感失望。即使不说出原谅之意，也并不意味着不会原谅。其实，这才是宽恕之真正要义：让恼怒不再萦绕心头，让伤害远离自己，以一颗平和的心面对曾经，继续好好生活。
心中淤积的仇恨越多，就越苦恼。除非学会“忘记的艺术”，否则将永远伤痕累累。不仅伤害的人会如此，自己情感上也会有莫大的负重。
宽恕他人让自己更加理性。当然，这个过程是艰难的，但“绝不原谅”所付出的代价极为巨大。“请宽恕我们吧——我们曾拒绝宽恕那些伤害过我们的人。”这句话虽未被写入《圣经》，却是很有道理的。
心灵小语
不要让你生命中的大部分被期望所占据，让我们为自己而活。把我们的爱与感动充分表达而不期待回报。
词汇笔记
oxygen['?ksid??n]n.氧；氧气
Water contains hydrogen and oxygen.
水含有氢和氧。
deliberately[di'lib?r?tli]adv.故意地
You have deliberately acted against my wishes.
你故意和我的想法对着干。
tackle['t?kl]v.处理；抓住
Some people like to tackle the difficult jobs first.
有的人喜欢先做难做的工作。
chipboard['t?ipb?:d]n.硬纸板；纸板
In the two sides of chipboard, sticking two plywood, became
appearance.
在硬纸板的两面，贴着两层胶合板，就成了门面。
小试身手
宽恕他人不是可有可无的善举，而是维系良性人际关系、促进身心健康的必要因素。
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发觉自身的缺陷，就能原谅别人的过错，也就能体会施以宽恕所带来的满足感。
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让恼怒不再萦绕心头，让伤害远离自己，以一颗平和的心面对曾经，继续好好生活。
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短语家族
……killing those who insist on clinging determinedly to it.
insist on：坚持；强调；坚决要求；坚决主张
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……the act of forgiveness is not going to easy.
be going to：计划（或打算、决定）做某事
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