佚名/Anonymous

Early morning and mist is wrapped around the tops of the mountains. Down here it is lifting slowly like a reluctant child leaving her warm sleep. I walk through fields of shiny wet grass and pick out diamonds in the dew. I have come early and parked the car further away than I needed to so that I have time to think and to find the right words.

Now that I’m here I am not so sure and think about turning back and leaving. I could put it off for another time. Another day, another week—what difference would it make?

I am out of the fields now and on the very edge of the village. And then just as I think about bolting like some scared rabbit he is there. He has seen me from the window and he’s calling my name. I run to him. I like being in his arms. I love his love. He is the father I never had, the father I longed for as a child.

When Vincent first took me to meet him he opened his arms then. There was no formal handshake, none of the usual politeness or caution of strangers. Later I asked Vincent if his dad was like that with all his girlfriends.

“I’ve never taken any of them home before.”he said. And although he laughed his dark eyes locked with mine and in that moment he told me that he loved me and that I was special. I looked right back at him to let him know that I felt the same.

We went together just months later to tell his dad that we had plans to marry, that we wanted to be married in the village where Vincent and his brother had grown up. His dad brought them up on his own above a coffee shop. His sons left to live and work in the town but his dad stayed. He still has the shop and it is busy all year round. In the summer, tourists come and in the winter the locals come as much for his conversation as his good coffee.

Vincent pulled him away from his customers that day and told him we were getting married. He didn’t say anything for a long moment, just kept his head down, then he looked up and nodded, but his dark eyes were shiny and I knew how happy we had made him.

As we go into the coffee shop now, that moment is with me again. It was a moment of pure joy, a floating moment. He brings me in now and sits me down in front of the fire and brings over two mugs full of steaming mocha coffee. He goes and gets some cream and swirls it on the top.

“So, it’s been ages, how have you been?”He is looking at the flames in the fire and I know that there is no reproach in his words. He is not telling me off for not coming to see him He is very straight, what you see is what you get. That’s why I had to come and see him, to tell him what is happening and to hope he will understand.

He pulls on his coat and we go out for a walk. Slowly the mist is leaving the mountains although the tops are still shrouded in swirls. We talk about this and that but I’m struggling. There’s a tension in me that spills over into the conversation so it feels forced and unnatural.

All the way down here, I thought about what I would say and how I would say it but now words fail me. Silence falls between us. We are by the church now where Vincent and I had planned to marry. It is a tiny church just big enough for the village and late creamy roses are still in bloom around the entrance.

“Do you want to go in?”I ask him. He shakes his head and relief washes over me. He tells me that he doesn’t go often,“I did at first, not now.”

We walk on past whitewashed cottages and ancient trees just holding on to the last of their leaves. We’re thinking about Vincent and remembering.

“I knew you were the one, I saw how Vincent looked at you and I was so happy for both of you. To love someone and be loved back, it’s everything.”

I slip my hand in his and hold on tight. Vincent died riding his bike too fast, always in a hurry, too busy even to live. I miss him.

Now I say out loud,“I miss him.”and this is the right time to tell the truth. To tell Vincent’s father that I have found someone else.

The right words I had practised are all but gone and everything comes out in a rush, tumbling words with no sense. I am jumping and mixing up the time sequence I know, so I back-track to emphasise how it has happened suddenly, over weeks really, although the friendship was there for months, longer.

“I don’t want you to think I am some sort of merry widow. Vincent hasn’t been dead two years. I worry that people will think it’s too soon.”

This is where he interrupts me, after saying nothing at all. His voice is quick and angry.

“You’re not to worry about what people think. It’s what’s in your heart that’s important. You cannot have your life ruled by what other people think. One year, two years—who cares? Love isn’t something you order after five years of mourning. You love this man, he loves you. It’s natural you should be together.”He lets his breath out and I do the same.

“There’s more.”I say. He is looking away from me when I tell him that it is his older son that I love. Vincent’ s brother, Joseph. He turns to me slowly and his face is just a smile, a huge smile. He holds out his arms and I move close. The wind whispers around us, a gentle wind that feels like a blessing.

清晨，山顶上笼罩着层层薄雾。晨雾缓慢散去，如同倔强的孩子不情愿从美梦中醒来一样。湿漉漉的草地闪闪发亮，我走过时，脚步抹去了钻石般晶莹的露珠。为了有充足的时间考虑并寻找合适的措辞，我很早就来了，并把车停在了比较远的地方。

现在我站在这儿，心里却是七上八下，真想转身离开，打算换个时间再来。可是就算另一天、另一周……又有什么区别呢？

此时，我已穿过草地，来到了村边。我正准备像一只受惊的兔子般逃开时，他出现了。透过窗口，他看到了我，并叫着我的名字。我跑到他身边，因为我喜欢他的拥抱和他的爱。他是我从小一直渴望，却从未拥有过的父亲。

文森特第一次带我拜访他时，他就向我张开了怀抱。我们之间没有正式的握手，也没有与陌生人相见时那种礼貌性的寒暄和小心翼翼。我后来问文森特，他父亲对他所有的女友是否都是这样。

他回答说：“我从未带她们来过家里。”虽然他在笑，可是深色的双眼一动不动地望着我，那一刻，他说他爱我，因为我很特别。我回头正对着他，让他明白我也有同样的感觉。

几个月后，我们就一起去告诉他的父亲，说我们要结婚了，婚礼就在文森特和他哥哥一起长大的这个村子里举行。他父亲经营了一家咖啡厅，独自含辛茹苦地把他们抚养成人。儿子们工作和生活都在城里，只有父亲还留在这个地方。他依旧守着这家店，一年到头都忙得不亦乐乎。夏天，会有很多游客慕名而来；冬天，村里的人更是蜂拥而至。不仅是因为他那优质的咖啡，同时还可以和他谈天说地。

那天，文森特把他从顾客中叫了出来，跟他说我们要结婚了。他低着头，沉默了许久，然后扬起脸点点头，但他深色的眼睛闪烁着光芒。我明白我们给他带来的快乐。

此刻我们走进咖啡店，这让我又想起了那个单纯快乐却已消逝的瞬间。他让我进屋，招呼我在壁炉前坐下，然后端来两杯热气腾腾的摩卡咖啡，并把奶油呈螺旋状倒在上面。

他望着炉火问道：“好长时间没见面了，你过得还好吗？”我明白他的话语中没有一丝责备，并没有怪我这么久都没来探望他。他是个非常率直、表里如一的人。这就是我要来看他，告诉他发生的事并希望他能谅解的原因所在。

他把外套穿上，然后我们一起出去散步。山上的雾正慢慢散去，但山顶仍是一片朦胧。我们东拉西扯地闲聊着，但我的内心在苦苦挣扎，紧张得以至于谈话也有些不自然。

一路上，我都在考虑该说些什么，如何说，但此刻怎么也开不了口。我们都沉默了。这时，我们走到了教堂旁边，我和文森特曾准备在这里举行婚礼。这座教堂很小，但对于这个小乡村来说已经足够了。入口处，仍有一些乳白色的玫瑰花尽情绽放着。

我问他：“您想进去吗？”他摇摇头，我的紧张一下子减轻了很多。他跟我说他不常来。“最初常去教堂，但现在不了。”

我们走着，穿过刷着白石灰的村舍和依然残留着几片树叶的古树。我们都在回忆着文森特，思念着他。

“从文森特看你的眼神中，我知道你就是他所爱的人。我为你们感到高兴。爱同时被爱，这已足够了。”

我紧紧地握住他的手。文森特由于骑车太快而意外身亡。他总是匆匆忙忙，忙得都来不及生活。我很想他。

此刻，我大声喊道：“我想他。”这也是说出真相的时候了。我要告诉文森特的父亲，说我已经找到另一个人了。

然而，精心准备的台词这时完全忘到了九霄云外，所有的话毫无逻辑地蹦了出来。我明白自己把事情的时间顺序弄乱了，因此不得不重新解释事情发生的是多么突然。尽管我们的友情已经持续了数月或是更久，但产生爱情真的不过是数周内的事。

“我不愿让你认为我是那种只为自己开心的寡妇。文森特过世还不到两年。我怕人们会觉得这太快了。”

他打断了我的话，并且很生气，很快地说出了下面一段话：

“不要担心别人怎么想。重要的是你心里的感觉。你的生活不能总被他人的看法所局限。一年、两年有什么关系呢？爱情这东西不是在你服丧五年后才可以订购的。只要你爱那个人，他也爱你，很自然的，你们就会在一起。”他长出了一口气，我也跟着长出了一口气。

我说：“还有……”当我说出我现在所爱的人正是他的长子，文森特的哥哥约瑟夫时，他本来没看着我，但听到这些后，他缓慢地转向我，脸上露出了灿烂的微笑，并张开双臂紧紧地拥抱了我。温和的清风在我们身边喃喃细语，仿佛在表达衷心的祝福。

心灵小语

坦诚地面对自己的心，坦诚地面对那些爱护你并为你所尊敬的人，只要他们理解你，支持你，那么其他人的看法，又有什么重要的呢？

politeness n.有礼貌，有教养

例 She says so out of politeness.

她这么说是出于礼貌。

reproach n.责备；指责

例 His reply sounded to me like a reproach.

他的回答在我听来像是责备。

cottage n.村舍；小屋；小房子；单幢小楼

例 All cottages are enclosed by green trees.

所有的村舍都被绿树包围。

interrupt v.打断；妨碍；插嘴

例 It’s impolite to interrupt the speaker.

打断别人的话是不礼貌的。

夏天，会有很多游客慕名而来；冬天，村里的人更是蜂拥而至。

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我明白自己把事情的时间顺序弄乱了，因此不得不重新解释事情发生的是多么突然。

译___________________________________________________________________

温和的清风在我们身边喃喃细语，仿佛在表达衷心的祝福。

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I needed to so that I have time to think and to find the right words.

so that：以便；以至于

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……but gone and everything comes out in a rush……

come out：发表；发布

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