佚名/Anonymous
Picture the scene. Other Half and I, sprawled out in front of the television. A fleeting sensation of domestic happiness passes over me and all my troubles vanish quickly.
I look over at Other Half and feel a great dollop of affection.
“I love you.”I say. Not too loud, mind, there’s a plot developing and I don’t want to miss anything.
Other Half doesn’t move a muscle.
“Hmm?”he murmurs.
I said,“I love you.”
Other Half heroically tears his eyes away from the screen.
“Hmm?”he repeats.
“You’re getting deaf in your old age,”I pronounce loudly and clearly.
He hears that.
“Thanks.”he says. And then mutters something.
“What?”I say.
“I said,”he shouts, loud enough for the neighbors to hear,“You talk too quietly.”
What I want to know is how does an innocent declaration of love turn into yet another battle of our perennial !
“No, You’re the One Who’s Deaf.”
I wouldn’t mind, but I’m utterly convinced that Other Half’s deafness is selective. When I mention a subject close to his manly heart—namely, sport, engine valves or something—and he hears it all, clear as a bell.
And am I the only one who has experienced the following conversation?
Me (excited):“What time shall we leave tonight?”
Other Half (anxious):“Leave for where tonight?”
Me (weary):“To the theatre. I told you three weeks ago. And then again two weeks ago. And I repeated it yesterday. Each time louder than the last.”
Other Half:“I don’t remember you telling me.”
Me (very clearly):“That’s because you never listen!”
Other Half:“I listen to everything you say. You must have just forgotten to tell me.”
Me (Beautifully pronouced, with choice semaphore):“I want a divorce.”
You see? A nice trip to the theatre reduced to marital
disintegration in minutes.
How come when we were“courting”he heard everything I said? Now I have to practically climb inside his ear to get the same response. Has he, like so many other Other Halves, simply learned the art of switching off when The Wife talks for longer than her allotted time? When I’m recounting the latest development of“Finding The Right Shoes For That Dress,”does he just see me, mouthing incoherently at him, while secretly picturing what he is really interested in?
My friend from work has exactly the same problem with her husband. He forgets little things such as friends’ weddings, because he insists she never told him about them. This is after she’s shown him her new outfit, shown him the present and even bought him a new tie to wear for it.
Her answer? She waits for his adamant declaration that she definitely didn’t tell him and then she says quietly,“One day I’ll say something important.”
Invariably, her husband smiles at this. As far as he’s concerned, his point is proved. He never hears her punch-line, which she delivers as she walks out of the room.
“Like when I’m leaving you for my toy boy.”
Hear, hear!
有这样一幅场景画面：我和我的伴侣坐在电视机前看节目。一种短暂而强烈的家庭幸福感袭遍全身，我所有的烦恼很快消失了。
我转过头深情地望着我的另一半，有一股强烈的感情产生。
“我爱你。”我说。我的声音并不很高。注意，节目的情节正在发展，我不想错过任何一个细节。
我的伴侣没有任何反应。
“嗯？”他咕哝道。
“我爱你。”我又对他说。
另一半英雄般地将视线从荧屏上挪开。
“什么？”他又问道。
“等你上了年纪，耳朵会变聋的。”我大声而清晰地说道。这次，他听到了。
“谢谢。”他说。之后又嘀咕了些什么。
“你说什么？”我问。
“我说，”他喊道，那声音高得邻居都能听到，“你说话时声音太小了。”
我搞不懂，一句真诚的爱情表白怎么就变成了我们的另一场常年发生的战争！
“胡说，你才是聋子。”
我并不介意，不过，我坚信他的聋是具有选择性的。当我提到一个与他的男子气概相符的话题时，也就是运动、发动机阀门什么的，他就能全部听得清清楚楚。
是否只有我经历过下面这样的交谈呢？
我（兴奋地）：“今天晚上我们什么时候动身啊？”
另一半（着急地）：“今天去哪儿？”
我（厌倦地）：“去影院啊。我三个星期前就跟你说过了。两个星期前又跟你说了一次。昨天我还跟你重复了一遍呢。每次说的时候声音都比上一次的高。”
另一半：“我怎么不记得你跟我说过啊。”
我（十分清楚地）：“那是因为你从来都没有听。”
另一半：“你说的每一件事我都听到了，一定是你忘记告诉我了。”
我（优雅地用精选的语句宣布）：“我要和你离婚。”
你都明白了吗？一次美妙的影院之行却在几分钟内引发了导致婚姻瓦解的矛盾。
怎么他在追求我的时候对我说的每句话都能听得一清二楚，而现在我需要贴在他的耳朵边上，他才会有相同的反应？他是不是也和其他另一半一样，在妻子唠叨的时间过长时，听力系统会自动关闭？是不是在我对他讲“如何搭配服饰与鞋子”的最新内容时，他只是一脸无奈苦相地看着我，其实正在偷偷地想自己真正感兴趣的事情？
我的同事与她的丈夫之间也存在着这样的问题。他总忘记一些小的事情，如朋友的婚礼，他坚持说这是因为妻子没有告诉他。而她当时对她丈夫讲这件事的时候，还给他看了自己的新衣服、要送的礼物，甚至还给他买了参加婚礼的新领带。
她有什么反应呢？她干脆等丈夫坚决地声明妻子没有将此事告诉给他后，平静地说：“总有一天，我会告诉你一件重要的事情。”
老样子，她的丈夫对此只是一笑。对他而言，这正证实了他的说法。她走出房门的时候，留给他一句话：“比如，我离开你要去找我的情人。”当然，这句重要的话他是听不到的。
听听，听啊！
心灵小语
忽视你的爱人，终有一天也会被爱人忽视，甚至抛弃。学会关心你的爱人，就像婚前一样，这样你们的爱情才不会因失去维护而凋零。
declaration n.宣布；宣言；声明；申报；公布
例 Your passport and declaration form, please.
请出示您的护照和申报单。
disintegration n.瓦解；蜕变；衰变
例 Is it the first signal of relationship disintegration?
这是关系瓦解的第一个信号吗？
incoherently adv.不连贯地；语无伦次地
例 The patient began to rave incoherently at the nurses.
病人对护士说起胡话来。
invariably adv.不变地；一定不变地；常常地
例 A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is invariably plain.
说教的男人通常是个伪善者，而说教的女人则必定是丑女。
一种短暂而强烈的家庭幸福感袭遍全身，我所有的烦恼很快消失了。
译___________________________________________________________________
我搞不懂，一句真诚的爱情表白怎么就变成了我们的另一场常年发生的战争！
译___________________________________________________________________
一次美妙的影院之行却在几分钟内引发了导致婚姻瓦解的矛盾。
译___________________________________________________________________
……of love turn into yet another battle of our perennial!
turn into：变成；进入；把……变成……；把……翻译___________________________________________________________________
成……
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He forgets little things such as friends’weddings.
such as：例如；诸如；像……那样的
造___________________________________________________________________