A thank-you note is not only for gifts. It is a good manner to write and post a thank-you note to your host after you have been a guest in someone’s home, or to the person who helped you in an earlier time. It’s absolutely considerable to send a thank-you note to those who took the time to show you an act of kindness in all likelihood. Of cause you might have said “thank you” in person earlier, but it means much more when you spend the time sitting down to write some words to express your gratitude.

A thank-you note is written to express gratitude and appreciation for a gift, a thoughtful expression or act. But many people may be intimidated by the potential formality of this thought. The thought that the wording has to be perfect causes so much anxiety that the notes are never sent. Relax! Just remember that an imperfect note coming with heartfelt sentiment is always far better than a perfect note which was never written.

Thank-you notes should be sent out in a timely manner. Normally, two weeks after receiving the gift is ideal; one month is still acceptable, but anything longer than that is regarded as bad etiquette.

When it comes to writing a thank-you note, it’s best if the words come from you instead of the card company. Of course it is acceptable to purchase a card with a pre-written thank-you verse from the stationery and simply fill in Aunt Mary’s name on the top and scribble in your own name on the bottom. But the store-bought cards are not personal at all, stationery, blank note cards or even post cards are perfect for writing and sending heartfelt thank-you’s. Only those having enough room to write your thought and being tastefully designed will do fine.

It is also best to write your thank-you notes in longhand rather than typing a standard thank-you note form letter on your computer to be printed out if you want them to be personal. Printing a thank-you note is not only impersonal, it’s tacky! Once you have to type out your thank-you note when the occasion warrants, try your best to make your note as personal as you can. Most people can tell when they’ve received a form letter.

It’s hard to know what to write in your note, but if you received a truly interesting or useful gift, the note should write itself. “Thank your for the notebook” is a great opening indeed, but don’t stop there. Talk a little more about the notebook. Was it beautiful? Was it useful when you were taking classes or doing homework? And so on.

A thank-you note should be nice and short instead of boring and long. After you tell Aunt Mary how much you liked the notebook and how much convenience it brought you, you can add a line or two letting her know that you’re looking forward to seeing her again in the near future. “I’m looking forward to seeing you at Uncle Tom’s barbecue next month.” This would suffice and you can close your note with another thank you—“Thanks again” or “Thank you again.” A thank-you note should never focus on the recipient of the gift. This is not the time to detail your class or travel.

You’d better refrain from mentioning the amount of the money if you receive a gift of money. It’s best to say “Thanks for your generosity” rather than “Thank you for sending me one hundred dollars.” Instead of itemizing the gory details, “I used the money to buy a nail clipper, three pairs of socks and a pair of shoes,” tell Aunt Mary the money will come in handy on a future shopping excursion, “I plan on using your gift to purchase some necessities on my next visit to the supermarket.”

If your thank-you note is to your host for a recent weekend visit, just let your host know that you had a wonderful time and how much you appreciated his/her hospitality. “Thank you very much for your hospitality. I enjoyed my visit immensely.” Even though you didn’t have a wonderful time, this would not be the correct moment to say so. When writing to thank someone for a different act of kindness, that, too, should be mentioned. “All of your help in assisting us to set up the party is greatly appreciated.” Sweet, short and to the point.

What to choose to close your note is up to you. If Aunt Mary is a special person you can close your note with something like, “Love, Mike” or “Warmly,” or “Fondly,” anything that conveys the affection you feel for her is fine. If the note is for someone to whom you’re not as close, “Best regards” works well.

It takes only little time or effort to send someone a note showing your appreciation and gratitude. But the note can tell the receiver that his/her gift or act of kindness meant something to you and that you care enough to say “thank you”. Wouldn’t you expect the same?

We provide some simple guides to do’s and don’ts of thank-you notes in order to relieve some anxiety on this subject. You might be puzzled on when to write a thank-you note. Here we also provide an example to help you start. But remember, though we’re providing a formula, you’ll need to personalize it to make it meaningful to the recipient.

Here is a sample of thank-you note for wedding gift. You can find that a thank-you note should not be a thesis length document.

■The Do’s of Thank-you Notes

Send your thank-you notes as soon as possible.

Your notes may be sent on informal stationery, except for wedding thank-you notes which are generally sent on formal stationery.

Never forget to make reference to the gift, which is the subject the note. For example, you may say: “I really appreciate the shoes you sent me. Sporting shoes are my favorite.”

Remember to send notes in the following situations:

◇For wedding gifts.

◇For sympathy cards, letters or flowers.

◇For baptism or bridal gifts.

◇For mailed gifts.

◇For gifts received during a hospital stay.

◇For notes or gifts of congratulation.

◇After being entertained by your boss.

◇After being hosted as a houseguest for one or more nights (unless the hostess is a close relative or friend).

◇After a party hosted in your honor.

In the following situations, a thank-you note is not a must, but it would still be a nice gesture to send a thank-you note.

◇After being a guest at a dinner party.

◇After a job interview (not required, but definitely a smart idea).

◇After giving thanks in person to the giver of birthday gifts.

◇To the people who helped you out when you are sick or incapable, such as baby-sitting, preparing meals, or running errands for you.

◇After being personally entertained by a salesman, which is considered as part of business.

■The Don’ts of Thank-you Notes

Don’t delay in sending the most notes, except the timing as follows:

◇Thank-you notes for hospital gifts should be sent as soon as the patient is well enough to send them, whenever that is.

◇Thank-you notes for wedding gifts should be sent within three months of reception of gifts. However, in consideration of the honeymoon, it makes sense to send notes out as soon as gifts are received (wedding gifts are generally sent before the wedding date).

It is extremely important to make your thank-you notes personal. We have attended large children’s parties where parents hand out pre-written thank-you’s when guests leave the party, even though the gifts haven’t even been opened. In our opinion, there is no point in giving thank-you notes in this way. Having paid so much attention in selecting just the right gift for the birthday boy or girl, but not receiving a specific thank-you note for the gift, the giver will never know how much the gift was really enjoyed. This kind of thank-you is just a tick on the checking note on the party list, and conveys no sense of personal appreciation.

Even though most thank-you notes should be sent on informal stationery, that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to use a piece of paper torn from your shopping list pad. Try to find the note cards reflecting your personality, and prepare some beforehand. They are not expensive and you can find inexpensive and attractive ones if you shop diligently.

If you don’t like a gift, you don’t have to lie. But you should still show your appreciation for the thought that went into selecting the gift for you, even though it is not your cup of tea. You can always say “Thank you for the thoughtful ______ (fill in the blank). I will always think of you whenever I use it.”

■Addressing Thank-You Notes

It is the one(s) who signed the card that you should address to in your thank-you note. In the case of a gift from a family, the envelope may be addressed to Mr.and Mrs.Smith, and the salutation might be “Dear Alice and John”. It’s nice to make reference to the other family members in the body of the note, such as “Remember to extend my thanks and miss to May and Sophia, and let them know how much I am enjoying the book.”

The formality of your salutation should be based on your relationship with the person whom you are thanking. For instance, in the case of a thank-you note for a job interview, the salutation should read “Dear Ms.Oscar” unless Ms.Oscar permitted you to address her by her first name. Similarly, a thank-you for a wedding gift received from friends of your parents should be addressed to “Dear Mr.and Mrs.Philip” unless you grew up calling them by their first names.

When writing a thank-you note for hospitality, you can simply address it to your hostess (assuming she’s the person who did the work), but include a thank-you to the husband in the text: “Please let Frank know how much I appreciate your gracious hospitality and his very entertaining anecdotes over dinner.”