■Response to an Invitation

Email and cell phone text messaging are slowly altering the art of the handwritten invitation. Nevertheless, when handling both formal and informal invitations, there are rules of thumb that must be observed. The manner in which you reply to an invitation as well as the style and type of invitation you send speaks volumes about your character and personality.

◇You will usually respond with a letter or phone call, if you get an invitation to lunch, dinner, banquet, party, wedding, birthday, or any type of event.

◇Invitations can be written or spoken. Written ones ask for RSVP usually, and means please reply. Whether you intend to go or not you should reply. The invitation will tell you when the reply is expected and how to reply. Your host may be specific about how many people are invited. You should tell your host how many people would go if your host invites the whole family. A family is usually the parents and their children.

◇It is also usual to tell the host what you can not eat when you accept an invitation to a meal. It is perfectly okay to say that you are Muslim or Jewish and do not eat pork or that you are a vegetarian and do not eat meat. It is not polite to arrive late and if you are going to be late, you should make a telephone call to your host to explain.

◇You may not be able to accept an invitation always. The best way to refuse is to say, “Thank you, I/we have other plans at that time unfortunately”. Even if it is true, to say that you are too busy may seem extremely rude . Once you accept an invitation, if something arises where you can not go, you should only cancel. You should explain the reason to your host also. It seems very rude to cancel because you got a better invitation from somewhere else, and it can affect new friendships. It is best not to accept an invitation right away and to ask your host whether they would mind if you check your plans and reply to them later sometimes.

■Attendance

It is a gesture of friendliness if you are invited to a banquet, and also shows the importance your hosts attach to you.

◇The first thing of your host wishes is punctual arrival.

◇Bring only people invited. It is a major faux pas to bring your own uninvited guest.

◇One may bring a small gift if one is a low-ranking guest (a stranger or a near-stranger, a distant relative, etc.) while one brings a finer gift such as a bottle of quality wine if one is a higher-ranking guest.

◇You will be led into the lounge for a little chat after the greetings.

◇If you are the guest of honor, you will be seated to the right side of the host. You can proceed to find your own seat—all the tables will be placed with nametags if you are an ordinary guest.

■Behavior in a Banquet

Most people have learned a few basic rules of standard table etiquette. However, banquet even the most mannered can get confused, when they are faced with a proper place setting at a formal dinner. For this reason, when faced with that situation, some attempts are made to uncover some of the confusion on what to do, and most importantly, what not to do.

◇At the table men shouldn’t wear hats and they should remain standing until the women are seated.

◇Do not begin eating until everyone has been served their food and the host or hostess starts eating.

◇Keep your napkin in your lap always unless you are using it.

◇Spoon your soup away from you and be careful not to slurp while eating.

◇Leave it there if silver is dropped on the floor. Apologize briefly to your hostess if an accident happens at the table.

◇Never use your fingers to push food onto a fork. Use your knife or a piece of bread if you need help.

◇Always take from the side nearest you, when helping yourself to food placed on the table (on platters, etc.). To take food from the side of the platter facing others is considered ill-mannered.

◇While you have food in your mouth, do not talk and while you chew your food, keep the mouth closed. While you have food in your mouth, do not drink.

◇While you are drinking, do not look around the room; look into the glass.

◇When you are eating elbows should not be put on the table; however, between courses at a restaurant, it is permissible to lean forward on your elbows, if you can not hear your companion.

◇Turn your head slightly and use the handkerchief as inconspicuously as possible if you must use your handkerchief at the table.

◇Don’t blow your nose, cough, burp, sneeze, or make any other unnecessary noises at the table if you can help it. If you must do one of these leave the table. Always say “Excuse me” when leaving the table while on that subject.

◇While seated at the table, one modern piece of etiquette which must be added to any list of don’ts is don’t use your cell phone or text device. Excuse yourself and do so in another room.

◇Be careful if you are not a good drinker when the host proposes a “bottoms up”.

◇Don’t forget to do that, toast your host, wishing him/her good health, friendship, appreciation and the like.

◇Push your chair from the table by taking hold of each side of the seat of the chair if you have no dinner partner.

◇Don’t rest your hands or arms on the table, then push yourself up.

◇Step close to the table and pull the chair toward you by taking hold of each side of the seat when seating yourself. Don’t seat yourself, then move the chair to the table with two or three jerks.

◇Place your used utensils on the plate, not on the table or on the tablecloth when you finish eating. Place your napkin on the table to the left of the plate—not the plate itself, and never put it on the chair. Wait for the host or hostess to rise before you do, and when leaving always thank the hostess.

◇If the invitation does not include the entire evening, it is not necessary to remain longer than thirty minutes after a dinner. However, one should avoid seeming in a hurry to depart.