People usually expect perfect behavior from the host and crib if anything is amiss.While the success of a social occasion does not depend on the host alone: the guests also play an important role.

When you’ve been invited to a party or gathering,you may have thought it is the host’s job to make sure that everything goes to plan and everyone has a jolly time.If you really thought that,we’re going to guess you’ve already made at least one host frustrated in your wake.If your host ends up feeling hard done by,unhappy,there will be one less person in the world willing to host events.And those people are already running thin on the ground.

There are two philosophies that you should keep in mind all the time; you’ll always be a great guest without even trying.The first: You are not special.The second: Your host is not your mother.

What does a great guest like?Take a look at how easily they guide you through each step of the event:

■Respond Promptly

You should respond the invitation as soon as possible.Because your host needs to know numbers so she can arrange for everything for the event (food/drink/tickets/whatever).If no one on her list is going to be able to make it,then she needs to know to pick another date or cancel the event.If you don’t give your response promptly,you’re making her planning more difficult.Do you want to wait for a better offer coming in? Remember the first principle: You are not special.Just like everyone else needs to decide on an event when they are invited,so too do you.Holding out for a better invite is impolite,your host will notice every day that goes by with silence.

■If You Say You’re Coming,Then Come.If You Say You Aren’t,Then Don’tIf you accept the invitation,be sure to attend the event.You may think that the host probably won’t even notice one person missing,In fact,She’ll notice when her food has been sitting out for an hour and none of her guests have shown up and she’ll be very aware of the work and money that went into the uneaten food and undrunk drinks.Remember that there are always some people break their promise,you’ll only be adding to those numbers.

Maybe you thought you would like have a surprise coming for your host.In fact,that is rude.Unless this is a college party where everyone has brought their own food and drinks,no one cares how many people show up,showing up to a planned party that you have not replied for (or have previously sent your regrets) is just as rude as not showing up when you said you would.You’re going to put your host into a frenzy of trying to figure out where to get enough food to cover the extra mouth and may be causing other problems where numbers are a concern.

■If You Need to Cancel the Planned Party,Do so as Promptly as Possible and with a Good ReasonEvery day passes from the point when you said you were coming to the point when you say you’re not,the host may have made plans or bought supplies.While it may seem completely reasonable for you to decline the event a week before,for a well-prepared host,she has been already deep into her preparation time.If you know you’re not going to make it,tell your host as promptly as you can to save her money and work.

Giving a reasonable excuse increases the chances that she will not delete you off her list of future guests forever for being unreliable.It is good to be honest.If you can’t be completely honest,be reasonable with your excuse.

■Arrive Promptly and Do not Arrive Early

Having a guest show up early will throw the host in the frenzy.Such as her house is cleaned,her shower is taken,or the food is cooked.Please remember that all the things that you take for granted at a party/event—that the host is welcoming and warm,that there is food aplenty,that things run to schedule—are all being set up behind the scenes by your host.Throwing off her schedule only can make the host work harder.You will definitely be remembered for all the wrong reasons.

■Show Appreciation to Your Host

It’s no need to empty your pockets to provide host gifts.But a gesture of appreciation for her work and hospitality is still expected and will make her feel that her effort and expense was all worthwhile and appreciated.Unless the host really is your parent,please remember that it is not the expected course of events to open up your house to someone—be visibly appreciative of being a guest.A bunch of fresh flowers,a simple bottle of wine,chocolates,or small household item such as candles are all safe small gifts for the host that will be appreciated.

If you’re travelling or otherwise feel inconvenient to carry a gift,arrange to have something delivered in advance.When the party is small,casual,or with a friend who you have previously hosted,it is sometimes acceptable for not carrying the gift—though you’d better come with a small gift if you’re not one hundred percent sure.There is really no acceptable reason for showing up empty handed if you’re spending the night or multiple nights at someone’s house.

■Being Offered Refreshment is not Your Opportunity to Make Special RequestsIf your host asks your preference,wine,beer,or punch,it will make the host embarrassed if you ask something else.Take what is offered with graciousness and gratitude.A good host will do her best to accommodate a guest who has a special request,but considering the first principle of you are not special,you can be sure that she will be muttering your name and a few choice curses under her breath as soon as she is out of earshot.

If she has to open a cupboard to accommodate you or sends someone to the corner shop,then recognize that you just mis-stepped and do your best to make it up to her.Do not take it for granted that guests should be served like visiting potentates—it’s extremely inconsiderate to imply that a host did not provide enough or appropriate refreshments to meet your needs.If you have special needs and simply cannot go an evening without your sherry,then bring it with you—and make sure you have enough to offer the host and other guests.

■When You Intend to Attend the Party/Event,Keep Your Promise

You thought you would attend the party/event,but you’re just not in the mood on the day.It happens.Now the best way you should do is to fake it.You put on your best smile and get in there making good conversation and mingling because we have the second principle to follow: The host is not your parent.It is not your host’s job to make you out of a bad mood.It is not her job to figure out how to make a room full of miserable talk to each other.So attend the event and have a good time.

It is unreasonable to expect a party to bring your mood up if you’re the one in the room bringing everyone else down.Socializing is something in which we must take an active part.In the same way,when you go to a job interview with a headache,you also try to put your best foot forward.So too should you go into a party doing your best to make conversation and take part actively.If you spend the entire party sitting in the corner unhappy because of your bad mood you bring in,you will forever brand yourself as a bad guest who shows up and ruins the party for everyone else.

Shake the bad mood off and participate—it’s the very definition of being a good guest.If your host has events or activities planned,join it with other guests actively.

■Show Your Appreciation to the Host for Her Preparation of Your AccommodationUnless the ceiling has a hole that exposes you to the elements and the bed is covered in rats,immediately show your appreciation for what you know will be a comfortable night.If you are too fastidious for not providing you a comfortable bed,a separated room,you would make the host awkward.In the meantime,you are a guest,not a customer,and your host has probably worked hard to get her accommodation to the best possible condition for you.Show your gratitude for her effort and make sure she knows you’re more than happy with your lot.

■Keep the Room Neat and Clean

Make sure that when you leave,it is even nicer than you lived in it.Keep your possessions as neatly tucked away as possible,make your bed first thing in the morning,and make sure any rubbish is cleared away.If your host feels like she is playing maid behind you,you’ve increased her work too much.Remember,she is not your mother.Even the best of hosts will struggle with feeling territorial about their home and possessions; you can mitigate that by not spreading your things far and wide in the common areas.

■Try not to Bother Your Host

When your host say,“That’s all right,” “it’s no bother,” “no,thank you,I don’t need any help”.They’re just being gracious and trying to make you as comfortable as they can.Show your appreciation for their attempts by reading beneath the surface text.If you needed to apologise for something,say it directly.A good guest is trying not to bother the host.If you kept your sleeping bag unrolled in the living-room,your host of course said she didn’t mind.She lied when she said she didn’t mind; roll it up.Did she tell you that it was no bother to run to the shop and pick up that special tea you have to have in the mornings? She lied.It is a bother and you should know better.

■Offer to Help

As a guest,you need to offer to help if necessary; if you are rejected,find a way to help regardless.Cooking for and cleaning up after a group need a lot of work.A great deal more work than people imagine when they are always the guests and never the hosts.Every dish that you leave on the table or take to the counter has to be collected,washed,dried,and put away.Did you help with any of that? You need to.If your host is standing at the sink washing a counter covered in dishes and the guests are all standing behind her having a nice chat,then you need to give a hand.If your host says no,you can see if there is anything else you can help.She may have refused because her kitchen is too small to accommodate too many people working at once,or she works faster on her own.Take a look around; is there a rug that needs shaken out or pillows that need fluffed? Go shake and fluff.Even if they are just small things,your host will notice and appreciate for your efforts.One thing should remember,however: Do not offer to help only after the host has done most of the work.She will consider it for being an insincere,throw-away offer.It’s very nearly as rude as saying nothing.

■Leave When You Say You’re Going to Leave

If you say you are going to leave,your host will express regret that you have to leave “so soon”.Do it anyway.If you haven’t given a specific leaving time,then follow this rule of thumb: Don’t be the last to go.If you’re the last one out of a group,you were there too long.Don’t ask your host when you should go—you’re putting her on the spot.If there was an activity planned,leave as close after its conclusion as is reasonable.If there was no specific planned activity,leave early enough in the day that your host can have plenty of time to clean up and relax in her empty house.

■Tell Your Host Goodbye in Person When You’re Leaving

Don’t just disappear without say anything like you are leaving a hotel; it’s the height of rudeness.Your host was generous with her time and possessions—be generous with your appreciation.Tell her goodbye in person,thank her for a wonderful time and express your hope that it wasn’t too draining for her.She’ll appreciate that you were attentive to her efforts.It is an especially nice way to leave your host with a small thank-you present or a hand-written note.

■Follow up with a Thank-you Note

It is a good practice for the guests to follow up with a thank-you note; your host will love any guest who remembers this thoughtful gesture.It takes two minutes to put a quick note in the post.Considering the money and trouble you saved by not needing to get a hotel—not to mention the enjoyment you got from having someone else arrange the event.